The dream the first one iv had in a long time
and i remember it perfectly

???: finally i i can talk to you
me: who are you
???: so that's your answer hu? (laughs)
???: your such a moron!
???: how many times have you turned your back on the road of death!?
and how many times have you Forsaken it!?
???: its a pain living on that road you know tough harsh ect!... killing your self is such a pain so why not live in the hell hole you call life. so... are you saying you still wont travel that road?
me: my minds maid up
???: (laughs) i get cha so then i guess you dont need me any more right?... see ya
me: ... no im not letting you go
???: what?
me: i promised Miko i would see things trough to the end
???: you have gotten soft Dez. the Dezy i know would have broken his promise by now no matter what the promise is
me: thats no me any more so come on im taking you with me
???: he-hey what are y-
me: you... are me!

but...

then i thought to my self...
what was the point of all this?
every ting i have done every thing i have been through...
was it all just a wast? i remember now
after Sammi and Danny left i thought i was alone
back then all i had left was a desire for revenge
in fact i wasn't interested in any thing but "power"
i had no regard for any one but me i wasn't nice to any one
im my opinion a was a total ass hole
i marked my arm with various cuts and marks because of my depression thats how i became known as "Terror of Death" (originally the title of the god of death) and back then i thought that was ok. saying things like that only prove theire fear of me and i swore i would cut down any one that got in my way
then came that day when i got severely hurt i lost my power
the power i thought was absolute was crushed like it was nothing then i med new people i thought i could call friends in the beginning they just pissed me off so i had pland to just use them as much as i could then lose them without a care but then... at one point it all changed and they became some thing important to me. i met and dealt with all kinds of people since this started.
people i could only understand by dealing with them head-on
most of them caused nothing but trouble but were good deap down people that have different reasons fr doing things but share the same goals. people... people i could count on and... just as i started to trust them they left me one by one just like Sammi and Danny then i feal in to my state of depression all over again and since then its happened over and over time and agen and i was tired of it then i met her Ana the one person that i soon realized would never let me down sure she is lazy and dosent all ways do things but she never failed to keep me smiling at times i suspected she leave aswell but she never did even though im not her best friend she is mine and the only one i can truly call a friend.
but right now I feel so isolated like i dont belong. Whats my purpose living? i have to know...
there were times when i i was going to kill my self but then along came Miko or better known to me as Nicole she pulled me from my depresion and i even though i haven't talked to her in a wile im keeping my promise i made when we first met i promised her i would see things trouh to the end and not cut my life short just cuse i cant handle how things are.
KILLING YOUR SELF ONLY PROVES YOU ARE WEAK!
AND I AM NOT WEAK...